Momentary Thoughts


Momentary Thoughts

I want to live in the moment but I am beginning to fear that it is impossible. I find that moments are hard to understand, which leaves me with so many questions for them.

Can one ever truly be present, undistracted, deep within the moment? To appreciate it, don't you have to step back and remove yourself from it to understand why it is special? How can you stay at the surface when you can see the potential depth? Perhaps it is just the water rippling. 

Will the memories be so potent, or will they be more perfect than the moment? There is no tension in the reflection, ideal, but not real. But why do we overthink? Is it fair to say that the pressure is created by possibility, that by recognizing what the moment could be, we create stress surrounding what already exists? Why do we even believe in perfect? Or do we not truly, but rather find comfort in the concept by pointing to it to keep our way? Does it frighten us that our hands cannot hold onto the experience? That time, no matter how ideal, will pass; it cannot be taken hostage, a slave to no eyes, no heart, no camera; capture the light if you will, but it is always on film that will fade. 

Does hope help or harm the moment? It is important to ask, for a good moment can seem fair with great expectations. It is natural, I assume, to recognize the opportunity for a special moment as you see it approaching, but does it become contrived if you acknowledge it in advance, hence detracting from the authenticity that made it seem unique? But then how do we know when to settle or strive, how far apart are being "content" and being "happy". We like to pretend that they are close friends for our conscious convenience, but are they actually enemies?

These are the questions that haunt me. I find myself layers deep within my mind, digging for understanding, wanting so desperately to make the most of my moments that I end up missing them altogether.     

-Ryan Anthony Dube